CLARA A NATANIEL

Es cierto que hace mucho que no me has escrito pero creo, sin embargo, que me llevas en tu alma y en tus pensamientos; pues pensabas vivamente en mí cuando, queriendo enviar tu última carta a mi hermano Lotario la suscribiste a mi nombre. La abrí con alegría y sólo me di cuenta de mi error al ver estas palabras: «¡Ay, mi querido Lotario!» Sin duda no debería haber seguido leyendo y debí entregar la carta a mi hermano. Alguna vez me has reprochado entre risas el que yo tuviera un espíritu tan apacible y tranquilo que si la casa se derrumbara, antes que huir, colocaría en su sitio una cortina mal puesta; pero apenas podía respirar y todo daba vueltas ante mis ojos, mi querido Nataniel, al saber la infortunada causa que ha turbado tu vida. Separación eterna, no verte nunca más, este presentimiento me atravesaba como un puñal ardiente. Leí y volví a leer. Tu descripción del repugnante Coppelius es horrible. Así he sabido la forma cruel en que murió tu anciano y venerable padre. Mi hermano, a quien remití lo que le pertenecía, intentó tranquilizarme, sin conseguirlo. El fatal vendedor de barómetros Giuseppe Coppola me perseguía, y casi me avergüenza confesar que ha turbado, con terribles imágenes, mi sueño siempre profundo y tranquilo. Pero de pronto, desde la mañana siguiente, todo me parece distinto. No estés enfadado conmigo, amor mío, si Lotario te dice que a pesar de tus funestos presentimientos sobre Coppelius no se altera mi serenidad en absoluto. 

Te diré sinceramente lo que pienso. Las cosas terribles de que hablas tienen su origen dentro de ti mismo, el mundo exterior y real tiene poco que ver. El viejo Coppelius sin duda era repelente, pero, como odiaba a los niños, esto producía en vosotros, niños, verdadero horror hacia él.

El Hombre de Arena de la niñera se asoció en tu imaginación infantil al viejo Coppelius quien, sin que te dieras cuenta, permaneció en ti como un fantasma de tus primeros años. Sus entrevistas nocturnas con tu padre no tenían otro objeto que realizar experimentos de alquimia, cosa que afligía a tu madre pues posiblemente costara mucho dinero; y aquella ocupación, además de llenar a su esposo de una engañosa esperanza de sabiduría, le apartaba del cuidado de su familia. Tu padre sin duda causó su muerte por imprudencia suya, y Coppelius no es culpable. ¿Creerías que ayer pregunté a un viejo vecino boticario si los experimentos químicos podían causar explosiones mortales? Asintió describiéndome largamente a su manera cómo se hacían tales cosas, citándome gran número de palabras extrañas que no he podido retener en mi memoria. Ahora vas a enfadarte con tu Clara; dices: «en su frío espíritu no entra ni un solo rayo misterioso de los que tantas veces abrazan al hombre con sus alas invisibles; ella percibe tan sólo la superficie coloreada del mundo y se alegra como un niño a la vista de frutas cuya dorada cáscara esconde un mortal veneno.»

¡Ah, mi bienamado Nataniel!¿Acaso no piensas que el sentimiento de un poder enemigo que se agita de manera funesta sobre nuestro ser, no puede penetrar en las almas sonrientes y serenas? Perdóname, si yo, una simple jovencita, intento expresar lo que siento ante la idea de una lucha semejante. Quizá no encuentro las palabras adecuadas y tú te ríes, no de mis pensamientos, sino de mi torpeza para expresarlos. 

Si realmente existe un poder oculto que tan traidoramente hunde sus garras en nuestro interior para cogernos y arrastrarnos a un camino peligroso que habríamos evitado, si tal fuerza existe, debe doblegarse ante nosotros mismos, pues sólo así ganará nuestra confianza y un lugar en nuestro corazón, lugar que necesita para realizar su obra. Si tenemos la suficiente firmeza, el valor necesario para reconocer el camino hacia el que deben conducirnos nuestra vocación y nuestras inclinaciones, para caminar con paso tranquilo, nuestro enemigo interior perecerá en los vanos esfuerzos que haga por ilusionarnos. También es cierto, añade Lotario, que la tenebrosa presencia a la que nos entregamos, crea con frecuencia en nosotros imágenes tan atrayentes que nosotros mismos producimos el engaño que nos consume. Es el fantasma de nuestro propio Yo cuya influencia mueve nuestra alma y nos sumerge en el infierno o nos conduce al cielo. ¡Te das cuenta, querido Nataniel! Mi hermano y yo hemos hablado de oscuras fuerzas y poderes que a mí, después de haber escrito, no sin esfuerzo, lo más importante, se me aparecen sosegadas, profundas. Las últimas palabras de Lotario no las entiendo del todo bien, sólo intuyo lo que piensa, y sin embargo, me parece rigurosamente cierto. Te lo suplico, aparta de tu pensamiento al odioso abogado Coppelius y al vendedor de barómetros Coppola. Convéncete de que esas extrañas figuras no tienen influencia sobre ti. Sólo la creencia en su poder enemigo las vuelve enemigas. Si cada línea de tu carta no expresara la profunda exaltación de tu espíritu, si el estado de tu alma no afligiera mi corazón, podría bromear sobre tu Hombre de Arena y tu abogado alquimista. ¡Alégrate! Me he prometido estar a tu lado como un ángel guardián y arrojar al odioso Coppola de una loca carcajada si viniera a turbar tu sueño. No le temo en absoluto, ni a él ni a sus horribles manos que no podrían estropearme las golosinas ni arrojarme arena a los ojos.

Hasta siempre, mi bienamado Nataniel, etcétera.

CLARA TO NATHANIEL.

It is true that you have not written to me for a long time, but nevertheless I believe that I am still in your mind and thoughts. For assuredly you were thinking of me most intently, when designing to send your last letter to my brother Lothaire, you directed it to me, instead of him. I joyfully opened the letter, and did not perceive my error till I came to the words: “Ah, my dear Lothaire.” Now, by rights I should have read no farther, but should have handed over the letter to my brother. Although you have often in your childish teasing mood, charged me with having such a quiet, womanish, steady disposition, that like the lady, even if the house were about to fall in, I should smooth down a wrong fold in the window curtain before I ran away, I can hardly tell you how your letter shocked me. I could scarcely breathe,—my eyes became dizzy. Ah, my dear Nathaniel, how could such a horrible event have crossed your life? To be parted from you, never to see you again,—the thought darted through my breast like a burning dagger. I read and read. Your description of the repulsive Coppelius is terrific. For the first time I learned, how your good old father died a shocking violent death. My brother Lothaire, to whom I gave up the letter as his property, sought to calm me, but in vain. The fatal barometer-maker, Giuseppe Coppola followed me at every step, and I am almost ashamed to confess that he disturbed my healthy and generally peaceful sleep with all sorts of horrible visions. Yet soon,—even the next day, I was quite changed again. Do not be offended, dearest one, if Lothaire tells you, that in spite of your strange misgiving, that Coppelius will in some manner injure you, I am in the same cheerful unembarrassed frame of mind as ever.

I will honestly confess to you that, according to my opinion, all the terrible things of which you speak, merely occurred in your own mind, and that the actual external world had little to do with them. Old Coppelius may have been repulsive enough, but his hatred of children was what really caused the abhorrence of your children towards him.

In your childish mind the frightful sandman in the nurse’s tale was naturally associated with old Coppelius, who, even if you had not believed in the sandman, would still have been a spectral monster, especially dangerous to children. The awful nightly occupation with your father, was no more than this, that both secretly made alchemical experiments, and with these your mother was constantly dissatisfied, since besides a great deal of money being uselessly wasted, your father’s mind being filled with a fallacious desire after higher wisdom was alienated from his family—as they say, is always the case with such experimentalists. Your father no doubt, by some act of carelessness, occasioned his own death, of which Coppelius was completely guiltless. Would you believe it, that I yesterday asked our neighbour, the clever apothecary, whether such a sudden and fatal explosion was possible in such chemical experiments? “Certainly,” he replied, and in his way told me at great length and very circumstantially how such an event might take place, uttering a number of strange-sounding names, which I am unable to recollect. Now, I know you will be angry with your Clara; you will say that her cold disposition is impenetrable to every ray of the mysterious, which often embraces man with invisible arms, that she only sees the varigated surface of the world, and has the delight of a silly child, at some gold-glittering fruit, which contains within it a deadly poison.

Ah! my dear Nathaniel! Do you not then believe that even in free, cheerful, careless minds, here may dwell the suspicion of some dread power, which endeavours to destroy us in our own selves? Forgive me, if I, a silly girl, presume in any manner to indicate, what I really think of such an internal struggle; I shall not find out the right words after all, and you will laugh at me, not because my thoughts are foolish, but because I set about so clumsily to express them.

If there is a dark power, which with such enmity and treachery lays a thread within us, by which it holds us fast, and draws us along a path of peril and destruction, which we should not otherwise have trod; if, I say, there is such a power, it must form itself within us, or from ourselves; indeed, become identical with ourselves, for it is only in this condition that we can believe in it, and grant it the room which it requires, to accomplish its secret work. Now, if we have a mind, which is sufficiently firm, sufficiently strengthened by cheerful life, always to recognise this strange hostile operation as such, and calmly to follow the path which belongs to our inclination and calling, then will the dark power fail in its attempt to gain a power, that shall be a reflection of ourselves. Lothaire adds that it is certain, that the dark physical power, if of our own accord, we have yielded ourselves up to it, often draws within us some strange form, which the external world has thrown in our way, so that we ourselves kindle the spirit, which, as we in our strange delusion believe, speaks to us in that form. It is the phantom of our own selves, the close relationship with which, and its deep operation on our mind casts us into hell, or transports us into heaven. You see, dear Nathaniel, that I and my brother Lothaire have freely given our opinion on the subject of dark powers, which subject, now I find I have not been able to write down the chief part without trouble, appears to me somewhat deep. Lothaire’s last words I do not quite comprehend. I can only suspect what he means, and yet I feel as if it were all very true. I beg of you, get the ugly advocate, Coppelius, and the barometer-seller, Giuseppe Coppola, quite out of your head. Be convinced that these strange fears have no power over you, and that it is only a belief in their hostile influence that can make them hostile in reality. If the great excitement of your mind did not speak from every line of your letter, if your situation did not give me the deepest pain, I could joke about the Sandman-Advocate, and the barometer-seller, Coppelius. Be cheerful, I have determined to appear before you as your guardian-spirit, and if the ugly Coppelius takes it in his head to annoy you in your dreams, to scare him away with loud peals of laughter. I am not a bit afraid of him nor of his disgusting hands; he shall neither spoil my sweetmeats as an advocate, nor my eyes as a sandman. 

Ever yours, my dear Nathaniel.